


Special

by Mosspool13



Series: BeauJester Week 2019 [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beaujester Week, F/F, First Kiss, Implied Captain Avantika/Fjord, Minor Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 04:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19967857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosspool13/pseuds/Mosspool13
Summary: "Nott said hers wasn't very special, but I could see how happy she was talking about it." Jester wrings her hands. "Is it so wrong to want your first to be special?"





	Special

**Author's Note:**

> BeauJester Week: Day 1: First Kiss, Battle Couple
> 
> Apparently it's BeauJester Week and no one told me?????????????????

Jester's always thought that her first kiss would be magical.

Sparks, fireworks, dazzling eyes, fervent passion in the way they held each other, their hands grasping and their breaths mingling. If it happened to be on a rainy day after a daring rescue, well, that was a bonus!

As she grew up, and her taste in books became a little more... interesting, her ideas and fairytales became a little more realistic.

Well, as realistic as Jester could get.

Mostly, she thought, she'd be okay with a first kiss in the heat of battle, pressing their lips together after saving each other's lives, like heroines and heroes in the novels she reads (followed by a hasty tumble in the grass, of course.)

She would linger on the pages of first kisses, enthralled in each sentence and word that described the way two people could show how much they loved one another through contact through their lips.

Oskar and Genevieve's first kiss was as romantic as first kisses could be. Oskar declaring his undying loyalty to her, desiring her and stating his passion, his desire to wed her despite their parents' disapproval. They clutched one another behind their traveling cart, whispering their adulations into each other's ears.

Jester wanted that.

Sometimes, she thought Fjord might be able to give that to her. He was handsome, like Oskar, and kind, like Oskar, and charming, like Oskar, and Jester _liked_ him, she did.

And then she didn't.

Fjord... changed. It started after the Iron Shepherds, something shifted, and he became so much colder and more distant. He began to get close to Avantika, and he began to keep secrets, and he dismissed Jester's concerns and Jester was furious with Avantika and annoyed with Fjord at being so _stupid_.

It was like everything they'd had before was gone. Their easy friendship, the friendship they'd cultivated on the Menagerie Coast, before Beau, and then after, and then those early days of the Nein, Fjord being stern but patient, and Jester teasing and flirting, gone. She had been hoping he would see her, that maybe he would be the one for her, the one who would make her first kiss the dream she'd been hoping for.

Instead, he kisses her so she doesn't drown.

She'd told Nott that it had made her feel 'alive' and that wasn't a lie. I mean, she's not dead, right? But it wasn't what she had wanted.

It was nothing like the books.

She could barely even remember it.

***

She's worrying her bottom lip with her fingertip when Beau enters their shared room, fixing her hair into a tighter top knot. She glances up, her tie between her teeth, and pauses. "You okay, Jessie?" She asks, concern wrinkling her brow.

Jester paints on a smile, twirling in her seat and facing Beau. "Of course, Beau! Why wouldn't I be?"

Beau's frown deepens and she approaches the bed, sitting down beside her. "I mean, you were doing," she mimics Jester by pulling at her lip a moment. "And your face was all scrunched up."

"Oh!" Jester laughs. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

"About?"

Jester looks away and then at the wall. She'd spoken to Nott about her kiss, and Beau was there, she must have seen it when Fjord had kissed her. It wasn't like it was a secret. "I was thinking about when Fjord kissed me."

Beau raises an eyebrow, "You mean when he gave you mouth-to-mouth so you wouldn't drown?"

"Well, yeah, Beau, that's what I said. He kissed me."

Beau shrugs. "I mean, call it what you want, Jester, but that wasn't a kiss."

Jester, feeling a little betrayed even though Nott had been skeptical too, and Jester wasn't even sure it was a kiss either, if she's honest, but what if it was? "What was it then? It made me feel alive."

"Well yeah, because he was saving you from drowning." Beau says. She does soften though, the way Beau does, her hard edges rounding out, her posture shifting into something more approachable. Jester always notices, because Jester is very, very perceptive after all, and she's always thought Beau was the softest member of the Nein (aside from Caduceus but that was because he was so fluffy!) because, even though she's so adamant she isn't, she's totally not aware at all when her whole faces changes like that. "Sorry. I know you like him."

Jester looks down and away again, staring at her hands which had tightened in her dress skirt over her dangling legs. "It was my first kiss."

"Really?" Beau says, startled. "Well, that sucks." She bites back a curse when Jester flinches and stumbles on, "Fuck, what I mean is that _I_ think it wasn't really a kiss, so you have plenty of opportunities to have a better first. That doesn't count."

Jester inclines her head and leans forward a little into Beau's space, enough that Beau has to lean back a little. "Who was your first? What was it like?" Her tail flicks as her interest shifts with her desire to have her question answered, the excitement in knowing banishing her earlier forlorn thoughts. 

Beau's shoulders tense a bit. "Just some girl I knew back home."

Jester jumps on it. "Was it special?"

"Not really? I mean, I guess?" Her eyes go unfocused as she thinks about it. "Yeah, actually. She was a good kisser. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but she taught me soon enough." She smirks a little as she reminisces. Jester watches Beau's face, feeling envious and jealous and sad all in one.

"Nott said hers wasn't very special, but I could see how happy she was talking about it." Jester wrings her hands. "Is it so wrong to want your first to be special?" Jester asks, mournfully.

"Nah, Jessie, that's just normal." Beau shrugs. "Maybe you can get Fjord to give you a real one when you're not about to drown."

Jester thinks about it. She thinks about confronting Fjord, asking him to kiss her for real, but it doesn't end happily. It ends in rejection, or worse, he ignores her for Avantika. That one has become increasingly more frequent as of late. Her tail lashes as she contemplates. Beau had said her first was a good kisser. Beau is probably a good kisser, and that made it good for her, right? Special?

Jester turns to Beau. "Beau... you can totally say no, okay? I won't be upset or mad or anything I just was wondering if maybe... you could be my first kiss?"

Beau stares at her, thunderstruck. "I... what?" She blinks rapidly a few times, coughs once, and then hurries to get out, "What about Fjord?"

Jester scowls. "He's with Avantika."

Beau rolls her eyes. "I mean, I'm not arguing with you, but wouldn't you want your first to be with your crush?"

Jester looks down at the bed spread, at the distance between them, Beau's cross legs and hers, side-by-side. "I think I want it to be with you."

Beau doesn't say anything, and when Jester looks up, her face is almost comical. Her eyes are wide and her mouth parted open in surprise, taken aback. Jester almost giggles, but instead she inches closer. "Please?"

Beau startles and looks at her, a flush rising up her neck and turning her dusky cheeks even darker. "I--are you sure?"

"Yeah." Jester says, nods. She's committed. Fjord is occupied with Avantika (she hisses the name in her head) and Jester wants someone to kiss her when they have their full attention on her. Beau has always looked at her. Beau's her best friend. "Yeah." She says, with more conviction.

Beau swallows, nods, and inches closer so their knees are touching. Jester's breath hitches when Beau's scarred, bandaged palm cups her cheek. "Close your eyes." She tells her and Jester obliges, letting them sink closed, her breath going deep as Beau swipes a thumb across her cheek once. She can feel when Beau leans in, can sense her getting closer, from feeling her breath, and then, Beau's lips touch hers, light and barely there, and Jester thinks, _oh_.

Beau's mouth is so soft.

Unconsciously, Jester presses into her further and Beau makes a sound, a sound that Jester can feel against her mouth and it makes her skin tingle. She leans in further, wanting more, and she climbs into Beau's lap. Beau makes another noise, this one louder, shocked or confused, but Jester keeps going, hands touching Beau's shoulders, searching for her neck, wrapping around her.

Beau pulls away.

Jester whines. "Nooo." She doesn't dare open her eyes, she just leans in again, catches Beau's mouth at an awkward angle, feels Beau's hands cup her face, adjust her, and then this is better. This is so much better.

Kissing Beau feels so good.

They part after who knows how long (Caleb would know the seconds) and Jester is panting. Her lips feel hot, and swollen and _good_. Beau looks the same, her eyes glazed and her breath coming in short, sharp beats.

"That was perfect." Jester tells her, beaming and leans in quickly to steal another one, one more, just one more. Beau lets her, bewildered, but lets her, and Jester finally lets her go.

When they've completely separated, Jester is beaming. She feels so light, and full, and on clouds, and Beau's cheeks are dark as she glances at Jester. "Good first kiss?"

"The best." Jester agrees. "Thank you... Beau."

Beau shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable. "You're welcome." She shifts, stands, turns on her heel to face Jester as she walks backwards. "I'm just gonna--" she points her thumb behind her to the door, awkwardly waves, and then turns and strides out of the room.

Jester giggles after her. 

***

When they get to Darktow, Avantika's hand is around Fjord's wrist as she leads the way into the pirate city. The usual flare of jealousy doesn't come, no, the only thing she feels is concern. For Fjord, of course; he's still in danger after all. Avantika is evil. Her eyes fly to Beau instead, watching the way that Beau talks up flirting with Avantika and her heart swirls, hot and pained and _betrayed_.

When it is only her and Caleb in the tavern, a cup of mead in Caleb's hands and a mug of milk in hers, Caleb asks her about Fjord. "You are sweet on him, yeah?" he asks, eyeing her.

"I don't know." She tells him, watching the way the milk swirls in the cup when she moves it. And she doesn't. She thinks she was. Maybe in the beginning. It feels like so long ago, the temple and Avantika's eyes on her as she presses her nose against Fjord's. Can feelings just disappear like that so quickly? Is love so fleeting? The romance novels she reads depict love as passionate and all-encompassing; getting sweaty in the sheets, or in the bushes, or once in the back of a cart. "I don't know."

So when Nott suggests Fjord take Avantika to bed to distract her, Jester thinks that maybe she'll feel something. Jealousy, or envy, or pain, but all she feels is concern and wariness and that Nott's idea is a really really good plan. Fjord doesn't seem too happy about it, and Beau offers her services, and Jester feels her hands reaching out before she can stop them, clutching onto the back of Beau's robes, yanking. Beau tenses, looks over her shoulder at Jester, confused, and Jester just shakes her head.

Caleb's, "She has made her interests clear," ends the discussion. 

So no, she doesn't think she likes Fjord anymore. Maybe she hasn't for a while, she doesn't know, but she definitely thinks she might like Beau now.

After all, why else would she be thinking about kissing her in the heat of battle?

Caleb's wall of fire is raging hot before them, blocking Avantika and her crew from the Nein, and all Jester can think about is pulling on Beau's hand, kissing her into oblivion, and casting dimension door so they can get as far away as they can.

And to get Beau as close to the Plank King as she can be.

Yasha roars to her left, Nott hisses, firing off a crossbow bolt at Vera's head, Fjord grabs Caleb's shoulder, readying a thunder-step, Boldergut swings her club, Caduceus just manages to duck, and Jester grabs Beau's hand and spirits them away.

They stagger a moment in place, miles from the Squall-Eater, and their friends, and Jester is vibrating with energy, ready to return to the others, to help. She and Beau lock eyes, Beau mouths "go" and they separate in opposite directions, ready to aid their companions in the way they know best.

Things work out, for the most part. They may be banished, but Avantika is dead, and that's a plus in Jester's book!

Jester finds Beau later, after they have been out on the sea for a while, the sky dark and the ocean darker. Beau is leaning against the railing, looking out at the horizon, and Jester leans beside her, watching her profile. Beau is the softest member of the Nein, Jester has always thought so, but Jester also think she might be the prettiest too. Her eyes are sharp, and she's tall and strong and witty, and she's Jester's best friend and Jester loves her.

But she might also have a crush too? Maybe?

It feels like how she used to think about Fjord, before, about how she used to watch him when he talked to people or when he moved and thought he was handsome and kind. It's like that, but Jester thinks this is different because she knows what Beau's kisses feel like (and not a half-remembered idea of the way their lips touched), and she knows that Beau is kind and strong, and really really good with her fists.

She wants to kiss her again.

"Can I kiss you again?" She asks, out of the blue, and Beau startles and looks at her wildly.

"What?" Beau coughs and wipes her bandaged wrist across her mouth. "Why?"

Jester grins. "Because I want to. Because you're pretty and awesome, Beau! I liked kissing you."

Beau looks out at the open sea, a scowl making her face go tight and Jester frowns. Did she say something wrong?" "Are you just substituting me with Fjord or something? I mean, Avantika's dead now, you can go ask him for a kiss now." She says, terse.

Jester blinks. "Oh, no, Beau, I don't want to kiss Fjord."

Beau looks at her strangely. "Why not?"

Jester looks down. "I don't really know, honestly. I just don't want to. You know, I thought about it and thought about it, and I really liked kissing you Beau. I don't really remember what kissing Fjord felt like, but I don't really... care?" She tilts her head. "I mean, it kinda sucks that I don't remember it, but it's not important that I do because I only really care about kissing you again."

Beau's cheeks are dark again with a flush. Jester continues on, "I just kept thinking about it, even when we were fighting Avantika I kept thinking about it. I thought about taking your hand and kissing you before I dimensioned us out of there. I thought about it again when you came back with the Plank King, and I thought about it afterwards too, when you punched Avantika in the face and made her tell the truth. And I'm thinking about it again now."

"Fuck." Beau curses, she laughs, smiling and it's not her creepy smile it's that soft smile she does when she isn't thinking about it and Jester wants to kiss it.

"Can I?" She asks again, pleads, really.

"Yeah, okay, yeah." Beau says, she slaps her hand on the railing and then turns towards Jester, still smiling and Jester tilts her face up and presses her smile to Beau's.

Her first kiss may have been with Fjord, or maybe it was with Beau, but it doesn't matter, because the next ones are with Beau, and Jester hopes that the next and the next and the next will be too.

**Author's Note:**

> "Undying loyalty" you see what I did there, Caleb.
> 
> There is a serious lack of Fjord in this fic considering he gets mentioned in pretty much the entire thing.


End file.
